What a day of contrasts, on the plus side i did another course today to help in my potential job as outreach / support worker.
Maintained level of anonymity, felt weird tho when presented with list of agencies and referal practices and then a hypothetical case study?? Now keep in mind my background which is colourful to say the least and yet in a so called profesional capacity i had key workers, doctor, outreach worker actually taking on board my opinions on what to do and who to refer to? ? Low self worth is a bastard, why can i not see what is natural to me when others can ? Self sabatage thats what still creeps in.
Still new day new dawn. but my journey into recovery has come at huge cost, saying that i made it when others haven't.
Today i am grateful to feel my pulse pulsing and my heart, tho bruised, is still beating.
 x sweet dreams world x

todays another day

Well hello world, i ain't got a clue if anyone has been wondering where my next blog is? but here it is.
 Had a weird bit of time really since last time, still clean 'n' sober, 13 months now? how did that happen?meetings and support i guess and a year in residential rehab, eternially grateful for the addicts that got clean before me. Still struggling with insane addict thinking and plotting my next use up?
 Had a weird one today tho, i did a drug awareness course and passed it.
 So after 35 yrs of drinking and 29 yrs of drug taking i have got certificate telling the world that i am drink and drug aware?
 Do they not know my history of substance abuse?
 It felt weird tho being in a room full of profesionals and being part of it all instead of being analyzed by them.
 I did try and suceeded in not letting anyone know that i was in recovery, not due to shame either, if anything i am proud of my recovery 'cos it aint been easy.
Still it's been a good day and i'll write more later, so good nite or good morning and more to follow. x

Well it is saturday early eve on a cold and wet evening in london. I,ve got an hour to go before opening up a struggling meeting for recovering addicts. I feel like shit, onset of cold bug thats doing the rounds at the moment, struggling between sponsers as well. Just done 4 days shy off a year in rehab, complete destruction to get me there, at least i got there tho, lots dont. Friends are relapsing which looks entertaining for my sick way of thinking. I Miss Being Wasted! Currently in third stage house for up to 2 years! How did my life turn out like this? I was premature at birth, weighed less than a bag of sugar in 1972, baby intensive care for first three month,s of my life then adopted at 6 monthes to a truely sadistic family, physical, mental and emotional torture for 12 years with sexual abuse at 12 thrown in for good measure. i have options today to get some qualifications and progress with support to live clean and sober, got therapy coming up to deal with p.t.s.d - which explains why i am the way i am as a person,
Anyway more soon, off to meeting