16/1/2016.
So i get my second black key ring in a weeks time? This will mean going back to my old playground of 30 odd years to get in a couple of meetings, lunch time and evening meeting. Wow it will have been a year since i was last there and it has flown by.
Since i was last in my hometown i have completed my level two BTEC in Health and Social Care and i am half way through the first year of level three BTEC in Health and Social Care? I guess i only got through level 2 with support from the tutors - i kinda had to deal with a death of a friend with a few months to go before the end and it really twisted my head, to the point of sabotaging and duvet diving for awhile. But i managed seven assignments over five days and got them in? Unfortunately they were capped at a pass, but it was enough to complete the course and apparently because academically i am more than capable of doing level three and more i got accepted for the next level! Still struggle with positive affirmation.
So for this year i have handed in assignments on time, so far, but instead of chasing a deadline from here on in i will be getting the drafts done so i can get feed back, instead of just handing it in.
Been getting abit of grif off the social tho so i need to sort that on monday or get sanctioned for being in college whilst trying to avoid ever having to sign on again. Thing is i have taken out a £4,633 loan to do the first year and for the second year it will be the same, maybe abit more and if i leave the course now i still have to pay that back? So it seems a no brainer really? get decent paid within rehabs or a job within addiction circles qualified and with life experience, may even up doing counselling degree after this? or work in KFC and start using again or growing weed to increase financial stability?
Finally got my P.T.S.D. diagnosis recognised by an appeal hearing last september, after fighting the social for two years on that one, so at least my ways of coping make sense to me know. With the ending of two years worth of therapy the week after next i have got some understanding of my past and recognition that childhood didn't really help with my addictions but continuing in recovery stops me from acting out - i still miss using, not sure whether it;s the process or the using itself? At least i don't feel like i did a few years ago tho - and for that i am truely grateful.