January 19th 2015, mood - tired.  Music - Style Council greatest hits.
Well what a day of nothingness, Got appointment with head doctor tomorrow to sort out what kind of trauma based therapy is on offer to me? Fucksake i don't see why they don't just hypnotize me and with a click of fingers all done and forgotten - but no apparently gotta go through the emotions and feelings it is going to bring up.
I have this knack of boxing things up and not attaching any emotions to my childhood, it's as if i view it in third person kinda thing, i know it happened but it's easier viewing it that way - apparently that's the dissociation part of p.t.s.d kicking in as a comping mechanism or my brain will fry?
Any way on the plus side of things i have booked my ticket to go to Colchester for the day on Friday 23rd to get my two year chip in feelings meeting, gonna be bit emotional i guess. Haven't been back to my manor for the two years that's connected with rehab and third stage house? Shitting it really, gotta watch the triggers - going with old sponsor tho so no plans to use, got it covered pretty much, surrounding myself with recovery people for the day so heres hoping no fuckups.
College tomorrow so routine for three days till then as well as meeting before area, couple of other meetings to, so another day clean. going to chill know before falling asleep with the never ending nightmares and fubar dreams. Got used to them over last 35 years, still mess with my head tho.
 Oh well shit happens and then the dawn breaks on a new day full of clean opportunities.
 Sweet dreams world, take it eeezzeee n keep on spinning. Nite xx