Saturday 12/07/2014 - 23:18

   Mood - Fekin blown away!

 Ok where do i start?  You know i have been doin recovery meetings for nearly five and a half years and it has taken that long to get almost 18 months clean - with a year in rehab - and i keep hearing people say that they met someone who used like them, they saw that person in meetings so they know recovery works, ok?
 So what happens when you get recovery but not in your own hometown where you used with people ?
 I'll tell ya what happens - maybe - or rather i'll tell you whats has happened to me? !
 Tonite i am doing my usual bit of service at a local meeting - all good so far - good humble honest chair - still all good - i notice this bloke as he's sharing back? seems familiar? probably seen him in meetings? So meeting ends and this bloke comes over and says he recognizes me from somewhere but this is the first meeting he's seen me in?
 Ok this is getting fekin weird cos he looks vaquely familiar and it aint from meetings in london? Bit of panic and flashbacks kick in so he then mentions my hometown - which aint london even tho i was born here i grew up elsewhere? I grab some cups and go to the kitchen, kinda think ' fuck what am i going to do cos this dont feel good at all?'
 So i go back to meeting room and the bloke asks my last name? - FUCK WHAT HAVE I DONE IN MY ACTIVE LIFE?? FUCK?
 It turns out we were in the same kids home together at aged 14? we used to hate each other to the point of rows and kick offs most of the time or avoiding each other.
 Turns out he is 12 years clean and running the department of an agency that i want to get involved with to do recovery work behind the door - ( prison ) - FUKADOODLEDOO ! now that is some weird heebie jeebie shit right there - or in recovery speak ' higher power heebie jeebie shit '
 We then went for a curry and caught up on the last 18 years ??
 I wrote this guy off for dead? he used like me and he is sitting in front of me eating curry and telling me about his fekin allotment? ? What the fuck ? This bloke was an angry nutter like me ?
  NOW I CAN SHOUT ' PERSONALLY I HAVE MET SOMEONE WHO USED LIKE ME AND IS FUKIN CLEAN FOR TIME - MARRIED AND HAS A GREAT LIFE CLEAN !!!! '
 Thank my higher power that i kept coming back to get the reality of tonite - when i talk to my higher power tonite it's going to be emotional.
 The list of people who we grew up with that are now dead due to active addiction is long and we spoke and remembered alot together tonite in that curry house.
 Know i dont now if anyone is struggling but try and do everything you can not to be on the list of dead active addicts -
 If i die tonite i will be a dead addict but i will be a clean dead addict!
 Now thats the way to die as an addict - not with a pin in your arm or groin or foot if your veins have gone - or of a crack induced heart attack FUCK THAT DUDERS!
 I wanna die clean !

 p.s  - sorry for the emotional stuff but i am passionate and reinvigorated for recovery.
 A day at a time we are all walking miracles