January 18th 2015, 02.45  
                                       Mood - Knackered.  Music - f oo Fighters

Right new years resolution ruined already, had kinda planned to blog everyday but as it is the 18th Jan guess that's a pile of shite?
Better late than never i guess?
So whats up ?
At last i have meeting with clinical psychologist to discuss trauma based therapy and my arse is going?
6 days off two years clean n just made deal with new spon to contact him every other day at 5 pm? I had to make myself speak to him and shake on it as leaving it up to me it aint going to get done?
Really gotta force myself to do this as a couple of new comers asked me about sponsorship - with a hint of ' do you sponsor men? ' they are obviously sicker than they realize? or is that just me being deflective to any good people see in me?
College is going good - completed two out of twelve units and passed both with distinction? Which means if i can get three more with merits and two more with distinctions i have passed the course and i can get a diploma in level 2 health and social care with poss job with R.A.P.T in August - mush i will be walking in and out of prisons on a daily basis and get paid for it - and no screws will be chasing me down to get me back behind the door? Blows me away even thinking about it, walked into a few prisons but never out on the same day - bar visiting mates serving time.
Still single which is cool cos i aint met my match in recovery - although i do have a few admirers? Sick bunnies the lot of 'em, Kinda got abit of respect from recovering addicts though as i do service at all levels up to area. Just finished one commitment so may need to replace it with another? Maybe in different area of London?
Kind of avoided a relationship recently that wouldn't be healthy as person is early doors and has habit of relapsing every couple of month's? Not pretty to see or hear the nasty side of her, reminds me of someone in my childhood that i have difficulty acknowledging as being alive.
Made two calls to my daughter over Christmas/ birthday and it didn't go to bad - well she didn't hang up before calling me a cunt - which she would be entitled to do i guess, harsh clean reality of active addiction is still hard to face but hopefully with the ten steps between 1 -12 i should be able to make proper amends - well if it works for others why can it not work for me? But in reality at least i had weekends with my daughter which i know alot of dads don't get.
So to rap it up i am grateful for the time shared when she was younger and the bed time stories i read her.
  Another day clean thanks to Bill W and Doctor Bob and William D Silkworth with his crazy allergy theory? And to a fellowship of recovering addicts.
 Sweet Dreams World, Take it eeezzeee and keep on spinning